It's a Lot to Ask Her Not to Sting
by LitchfieldandLightningScars
Summary: Her mind could be too much to handle on the bad days. Some things can't be controlled. Nicky/Lorna
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: So this is based off a dream I had last night - I've added to it...and yeah. This is not a fluffy fic. At all. Warnings of violence.**

**Title from the song My Mistakes Were Made for You - The Last Shadow Puppets**

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**It's a Lot to Ask Her Not to Sting**

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Today was a bad day.

Lorna had been coping alright so far since getting out of Litchfield. She had been out for around six weeks now. Nicky helped her a lot. She couldn't have done it without her.

But today was a bad day. She had started categorising days into 'Good', 'Bad' and 'Okay'. Nicky would ask at the beginning and the end of each day 'So, what's the verdict?' And Lorna would reply with one of the three answers.

This morning, when they had woke and Nicky asked sleepily, with one eye still shut, 'What's the verdict?' Lorna truthfully replied with 'It's gonna be a bad day.'

She hadn't had a good week overall, but today was the worst she had felt in a long while.

She dressed up nice to try and cheer herself up. Maybe if she felt pretty she would feel better. So she applied some powder and bronzer and of course, her trademark bright lips. She chose the red today rather than the bright pink she had worn yesterday. She grabbed a summery floral print dress from her section of the wardrobe in Nicky's flat (she had basically moved in now), chose a pair of pale pink flats for her feet and admired her efforts in the mirror. Her hair had even curled nicely today.

But today was still a bad day. She could feel it in her gut and from the slight pressure gradually growing in her head.

Nicky was at work, at a small café just a couple of streets away. Lorna was meeting her in a couple of hours to walk her home. When Nicky first got the job, Lorna was still at Litchfield. She had told Lorna over the phone that she had got a job as a waitress and Lorna had nearly cried laughing – Nicky serving customers.

Nicky, trying to make her smile less cynical, stopping herself from rolling her eyes, keeping her sarcastic remarks inside.

Nicky trying to be polite. The thought had been hilarious to Lorna. But Nicky seemed to enjoy having a job. That's why Lorna felt guilty for wanting her to be home all the time. But she needed her home today. She was still struggling with what happened the day before.

Yesterday, someone had recognised Lorna in the street as 'Christopher's psycho stalker'. It was a friend of Christopher's. He told her that people like her should never be let out.

He said that she was a danger to everyone and she should be locked up and the key should be thrown away. He said it was a good job Christopher and Angela had moved away, so she couldn't try to kill them anymore.

Lorna had been getting over the whole Christopher situation. She had been coming to terms with it recently, with Nicky's help. She had stayed grounded by focusing on her reality.

Her main focuses she liked to think about when she had a bad day were her relationship with Nicky, her friendship with Piper and Alex (all her friends were from Litchfield, no one else could understand her anymore), her improved relationship with her sister, Franny, and her fairly frequent phone calls from Red, who wanted to know how Nicky was and if they were both actually eating without having someone to cook for them.

Lorna had always been so oblivious to the fact that the public could know about her. She never gave it a thought. At the time of her trial, she hadn't taken the charges seriously and was too wrapped up in her own head to even contemplate other people's opinions and reactions. All she had wanted to think about was Christopher.

And now, she had never thought it would come back to bite her. She didn't even think that anything would happen, unless by some awful chance she ever crossed paths with Christopher or Angela again.

So when his friend had hurled these horrible insults at her, she broke down. Nicky had been there, shouting obscenities back at him, but it had completely ruined their day. Lorna didn't sleep all night, especially after Nicky suggested to Lorna that she should go and see a therapist. At first she had denied she needed help and told Nicky that all she needed was her.

But Lorna observed the weary look in her eyes, the glint of hopelessness that had flashed there as she had completely rejected the idea. As though Nicky had been waiting a long time for an opportunity to ask her this, to ask her to go and see somebody.

So she had laid awake, worry plaguing her mind. Was she being selfish? She concluded yes. Nicky was spending every second of her time running after Lorna. She was spending all of her time with her on the good days, going on trips out, meeting other friends together. And on the bad days she would drop everything to hold her, remind her of reality and be there for her.

Lorna realised that trying therapy sessions would be helping Nicky too. She couldn't expect Nicky to help her out alone. So that morning, they had sorted an appointment with a therapist. It turned out Nicky had found one with a good reputation a while back.

The first session was in a couple of weeks. And Lorna was already nervous to say the least. And such a high state of nerves made her now improving distinction between the real and the fantasy blur. All the confusion made her angry with herself.

Later in the afternoon, Lorna went to meet Nicky at the café and she saw her laughing and stood quite close to one of her co-workers as she lit her cigarette for her. Already a little irritable and the pounding in her head even worse, her mood lowered even more with jealousy.

Nicky spotted her and waved her over. Lorna dragged herself over, forcing a smile onto her face as she gritted her teeth in irritation.

Nicky threw her arm around her as she reached her. Placing a kiss on Lorna's forehead, she turned to her co-worker. The girl smiled.

'So you're the famous Lorna. We've heard a lot about you.' Like what? What had she been saying? Irrational anger poisoned her usually positive and friendly demeanour. She widened her false smile a little.

'Lorna, this is Kaley. Kaley, you already guessed.'

'It's nice to meet you.' Lorna's voice had a slight edge to it. Nicky frowned a little at her. Kaley looked away as she took a drag of her cigarette.

'You okay?' Nicky murmured.

'Do you mind if we go?' Nicky shook her head and began to walk with her.

'Later, Kaley.'

'Bye Nic.' _Nic_?

Feeling her arm jerk back, she noticed Nicky had stopped to turn back to Kaley.

'Hey Kaley!' She looked around. 'Hope the night out is good. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.' Nicky winked at her.

'Doesn't leave much out then, huh?' Nicky laughed.

'You fucking watch it!' Waving again, she turned back around. Lorna kept walking, the hand furthest from Nicky curled into a tight fist, her fingernails pinching her palm.

'What's up kid?' Nicky dropped her arm from her shoulder and held her hand instead. Lorna didn't grip her hand back. Lorna shrugged. They walked the whole way home in silence. Lorna could tell Nicky was in a pretty good mood today. This annoyed her even more.

As they entered Nicky's flat, Lorna locked the door and instantly sat at the table, knowing Nicky would choose the sofa opposite. Just as she predicted, Nicky slouched onto the sofa and flicked the TV on but kept the volume low. She massaged her temples with one hand. Lorna was staring at her, her breaths shaky. She grabbed the salt pot, gripping it tight in her hand.

She couldn't help it.

'You two seemed close.' Her tone was clipped, harsh.

'Yeah well, she's one of the only ones at work who's actually fucking decent. I don't think I'd be able to cope in that shithole without her to bitch about the others with.' She laughed a little as she spoke. It was obvious Nicky felt the tension and was trying to keep the peace.

'I see.' Nicky shifted, sitting up a little. She turned the TV off, meeting Lorna's glare.

'Lorna, seriously, what's up?'

'What did she mean, it 'doesn't leave much out'? What was that supposed to mean?'

'What the fuck…Lorna…Are you_ jealous_?' Normally, she would've flushed bright red at this comment and either denied it or admitted it but either way laughed at how ridiculous she was being.

But today was not a normal day.

'I'm pissed off, that's what Nicky. Who the fuck is she?' The whole way home Lorna had convinced herself that something had happened between Nicky and this Kaley. She hated this girl. She hated her as much as she had hated Angela.

'Lorna! I fucking work with her, you know that!'

'Oh yeah, I'm _sure_ that's the _only_ time you've seen her.' Her tone of voice lowered dangerously. 'Did you fuck her while I was still in prison?' She stood up quickly and threw the salt shaker to the ground, the porcelain smashing on the hard flooring. 'DID YOU FUCK HER NICKY?' She was shaking, she couldn't see straight. She could feel tears beginning to build up in her narrowed eyes. Nicky looked incredulous, a small spark of panic in her wide eyes. She stood slowly, holding her hands palms up, motioning for her to calm down.

'Lorna. Lorna, listen to me. I haven't had sex with anyone else. Okay, _nobody_. I promise you, I _promise_.' She was stepping nearer to her. Still shaking, Lorna began to nod, then violently shook her head.

'No. No, you're lying. You're lying. She's a whore Nicky. A _whore_. She's just like Angela, exactly like her. I know it. Nicky you can't let this happen.' She grabbed her collar and pulled the startled Nicky towards her. 'I have to get rid of her Nicky, she's going to ruin us, she's going to fuck you over Nicky!' Tears were streaming down Lorna's face now and her knuckles were white with how tightly she was holding Nicky's blouse collar.

'Okay, okay. Lorna let go and we can talk about this, alright, we can. We can sort this out, me and you yeah?' Lorna didn't reply. She was staring intensely right into Nicky's eyes. One voice said she was lying, the other was telling her not to be so stupid. She didn't know what to believe anymore.

'You can't go to work anymore.'

'Lorna-'

'NO!' She shoved her fists into Nicky, roughly pushing her backwards. Caught off guard, Nicky stumbled back, falling to the floor hard.

Lorna couldn't control herself. The pressure building all day in her head was bursting. It felt hot, numb. She couldn't think. Nicky pulled herself up and backed away, her hands up as though in surrender.

_She looks so scared, _Lorna thought. She felt a new wave of tears begin, but she couldn't stop the voices. _She only looks scared because you've figured out she's lying._

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Nicky softly rubbed her collarbones where Lorna's fists made contact. She opened her mouth to speak but just as she was about to talk, her mobile rang. They stared at each other for a few seconds.

'Who the fuck is that?' Lorna's voice was quiet and low. Nicky's eyes widened in fear at Lorna's tone.

'A few people from work invited us out tonight – both of us Lorna. I said we weren't going but they really wanted us to. They'll be ringing to see if we want to. But we'll stay in yeah, talk this through. Come on Lorna. Lorna? Can you hear me?' Nicky slowly began to walk towards her but Lorna stormed to the sofa and grabbed Nicky's mobile. She looked up at Nicky, venom in her dark brown eyes.

'It was her. IT WAS YOUR FUCKING WHORE NICKY! YOUR FUCKING WHORE GIRLFRIEND! RINGING YOU WHILE YOU'RE WITH ME! I'LL FUCKING KILL HER!' She threw the mobile at Nicky who ducked just in time. It hit a cabinet across the room, shattering the patterned glass door. Chancing it again, Nicky walked towards her. Tears were pouring from her eyes now too.

'Lorna, stop it, you know I would never hurt you. I would never hurt you Lorna.' Nicky's hand was trembling as she hesitantly placed it on her cheek. 'I love you.' She had never said it before. It caught Lorna off guard for a second. But the voice was there to push her back. _She's saying that to get you to forget about it. _She narrowed her eyes.

'_Liar._' She hissed at her.

Before Nicky could do anything, Lorna slapped her hard: the force of it made her head flick to one side. Pure hatred was running through her veins.

She couldn't breathe, yet her breaths were loud and erratic.

She couldn't see, yet all she could look at was Nicky's scared eyes and tear streaked face.

She couldn't hear, yet she could hear the blood pounding in her ears.

She could hear Nicky's sobs as she pushed her to the floor.

She could hear Nicky crying her name as she hit her. She could hear her telling her to stop. Pleading with her.

But these sounds didn't register.

Neither did the feeling of her hands hitting flesh. The feeling of her fingers pulling hard at the wild hair she had only ever pulled gently on before.

But none of her senses registered.

Only the voice telling her never to stop. That Nicky was a liar, a cheater. A _whore_.

She couldn't stop.

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**Author's Note (Again): I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I deserve to go to hell. The next chapter will be up very soon, I've already half written it. That will be the only other chapter.**

**Please review if you want to, okay, I'm gonna pack my bags ready for when I'm sent to hell.**


	2. Chapter 2

**It's a Lot to Ask Her Not to Sting**

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Something wasn't right.

She hadn't even opened her eyes but she knew that something was completely wrong.

Slowly, she began to open them. Blinking a few times to clear her vision, she saw a white powder all over the floor where she was lay. Confused, she lifted her body up and felt a slight pain in her right hand. Pulling it away, she saw a broken piece of pot on the floor with a drop of blood on it.

She squinted and pulled her body into a sitting position. She brought her hand up to examine the sore palm. A piece of the smashed salt pot had torn the skin slightly at the heel of her palm.

Her head ached a little. It was a dull throbbing, as though she had numbed it with medication.

She felt too weak to pull herself up fully. Her legs would not support her in this state. She brought herself to her knees, one hand still on the floor supporting her delicate body. The other had flung to her head as a wave of dizziness hit, her vision full of flashing lights. Once it had stopped, she peered around at the kitchen area of Nicky's flat.

It was a mess. Salt littered the floor along with the broken shards of the pot. One of the dining chairs was across the other side of the room; the other was overturned along with the table. A cupboard door had been ripped from its hinges and had clearly been thrown. A cold feeling crept up her spine.

Her first thought was they must have been burgled and attacked. But she was fine. An even worse feeling overcame her. _Nicky_.

'Nicky? _Nicky?_' She spun around wildly, mentally kicking herself for not thinking of Nicky sooner.

And then she saw her, next to the sofa.

She was lifeless on the floor.

Lorna began to shake. She crawled over and knelt at her side. Her mouth was suddenly dry. She tried to say her name again but couldn't speak. She wanted to place her trembling hand onto Nicky's bruised cheek but feared hurting her.

She let her wide eyes fully take in Nicky's appearance. Her beautiful, lightly freckled face was worryingly pale which made the darkening bruises even more prominent. A small amount of dried blood covered one side of her nose. Her lightly shaded brown eyes were hidden under her mostly closed eyelids. The smirk that always played on her now pale lips was absent. There were even some small chunks of her messy hair torn from her scalp. Her neck was bright red with purple bruising the whole way around it.

Who could do this to her?

'Nicky?' it came out as a softer whisper than she had intended. She tenderly brushed the least affected cheek with her fingertips.

That's when she saw the matching bruises painted on her own small knuckles. Bile rose in her throat.

She couldn't have done this. But a small part of her mind was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. The part that reminded her that she had done this before. It was a harsh whisper, reminding her that the headaches, the nausea, the weakness, she had felt them all before. Each time after she had blacked out. Always waking feeling the same sickly, empty, exhausted feeling. Seeing a trashed room.

Averting her mind back to Nicky, she quickly pulled her hand away from her face. She couldn't hurt her again.

She had no idea how long she had been unconscious for. Lorna had to check that she was breathing. She didn't know where to start. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she leaned over Nicky's battered face, hoping to feel her breath on her cheek. She felt nothing.

Attempting to ignore the rising panic, Lorna timidly placed her violently quivering fingers onto Nicky's parted lips. She couldn't tell if she was breathing or not.

Lorna let out a sudden gasp of fear. She couldn't be…

Her own breathing became fast and heavy, as though gloating that Nicky's breaths were lacking. She was aware of every beat her heart took. It pounded against her small frame.

The unfiltered panic burst through. She brought her hands to her mouth, her eyes again finding the bruises and small cuts that peppered her knuckles. She stretched her fingers out but they felt so sore.

She can't have done this. She wouldn't hurt Nicky.

She had to check her pulse, she knew she had to.

But Lorna couldn't bring herself to hold her limp, fragile wrists in horror of finding nothing. She couldn't place her hand upon her reddened neck because the last time those little shaking fingers had touched it they had clearly gripped it harder than they ever should.

If she couldn't do it herself, she needed help, and fast.

But who on earth would help her?

An ambulance never even crossed her mind.

She couldn't tell her sister. Sure, her and Franny were really close now but not for this. She wouldn't understand. Franny would fear her and she had only just regained her trust. Her family had suffered enough regarding Lorna.

Piper? Alex? She wasn't sure how Alex would react. Piper had beat Pennsatucky within an inch of her life. She must know how it feels. And Piper had always been good to them, helping Nicky out whilst Lorna was still at Litchfield. She was the only person she could think of.

Wiping the tears from her face, she looked around for her mobile. She spotted it near the overturned table. Lorna forced herself to stand and fell back down with her first step. More tears of hopelessness fell and she reached her arm out, grabbing the phone.

'It's gonna be okay Nicky, I promise. I promise Nicky.' She kept mumbling to her through sobs, tears streaming down her face. She found Pipers number and rang her quickly before she could back out, her fingers trembling with such force she kept dropping the phone.

'Lorna?'

'Hey…Chapm- uh Piper. Uhh, can you…can you come to Nicky's? Please? Now?'

'Right now? Uh, sure, Lorna…are you alright?'

'It's Nicky. I think she's…' Lorna completely broke down. She gripped the phone tight against her ear and stroked Nicky's hair gently with her other hand.

'She's been attacked. Please.'

'Okay, stay where you are, Lorna I'll be five minutes I promise, okay?' Lorna nodded, more sobs pulsing painfully through her body.

She scraped her own hair back, still stroking Nicky's. Lorna lay down next to her, tenderly holding her arm over the limp girl's stomach. She gently kissed her cold cheeks.

'Nicky, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.' Lorna was trying to remember anything that had happened that day but couldn't think of anything past waking up. She picked her phone up again, checking the time.

It was only 5 in the afternoon. Surely she can't have been passed out for too long? Despite the complete panic clouding her mind, she noted that Nicky was wearing her work uniform and that she herself was dressed. So it must have been after Nicky's shift.

Letting the tears consume her again, she curled up against Nicky. She was convinced she could feel her heart beating, however softly.

'Don't be dead Nicky, I'm so sorry, I'll get help, I will, just wake up.'

Lorna stayed crying in the same position until she heard an urgent knock on the door.

'Lorna?' Piper tried the door. Luckily it was unlocked. Lorna didn't think she had the strength to get up and let her in.

Bursting in, sporting her usual deer-in-headlights expression, she scanned the room quickly until she saw them on the floor.

Her mouth opened slightly in shock and she rushed over to them, kneeling in front of Lorna. Lorna lifted herself up, not bothering to put a brave face on like she usually would have. Too much had happened and she needed to be as straight as she could with Piper.

'Lorna, what happened?'

'Please just check her pulse, please check her pulse.' Piper nodded and gingerly placed her fingers against Nicky's neck.

'Oh god, is she dead, Piper is she dead?' More tears began to pour down her face as her breaths became faster again.

'She's got a pulse Lorna, she's not dead.' Lorna gasped and let out a brief nervous laugh of relief before sobering up quickly.

'Lorna, she's breathing.' Piper was hovering over Nicky's face. 'She's breathing, but Jesus, Lorna, this is awful. We need to get an ambulan-'

'NO! I can't – we can't.' Piper frowned, completely taken aback. Lorna lifted her hands up slowly to show Piper her knuckles. Her whole body was quaking in panic, fear and tense anticipation of what Piper would do.

Lorna kept her eyes glued to Piper's, wanting to see every aspect of her reaction. Her eyes widened in complete disbelief as she saw the small girl's purple knuckles. She opened her mouth to say something but clearly couldn't think of any words to express herself.

Lorna just didn't want to see fear pass over her face. Piper looked from Lorna's hands to Nicky before looking Lorna in the eyes.

'I didn't mean to. I just…I can't even remember what happened.' Lorna brought her hands to her face and harshly wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks.

'She might have concussion or something Lorna. You've…' Piper stopped herself hurriedly. 'She's really hurt.'

'But we can resuscitate her right? We can, we can do it, can't we? Piper, please.' Piper looked helpless.

'I don't know anything about these things, Lorna. I'm worried about her.'

'So am I! I just want her to wake up!' She couldn't control her terror.

'But you'd go down for this.' Piper mumbled quietly, pity in her eyes. Lorna looked at her, tears dripping again. Piper moved over to Lorna and hugged her tightly. Pulling away, she moved back to Nicky. Lorna noticed Piper was also shaking.

'How long has she been out for?'

'I don't k-' Lorna was interrupted. Nicky had suddenly taken an unsteady breath that racked through her whole body.

Lorna and Piper both leaned into her, one on either side. Piper was the first to speak.

'Nicky? Nicky can you hear me?' Her eyelids flickered. They opened slowly, her eyes rolling back into her head before she blinked weakly again. Her mouth moved but she didn't say anything.

She saw Piper first. Lorna had moved backwards, scared of seeing fright in those beautiful eyes. She frowned a little and, staying completely still, she looked around. Lorna leant in a little again. She hadn't realised she had been holding her breath until she spoke.

'Nicky! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.' She knew she kept saying it but she needed her to know, especially now she knew she could hear her. Lorna held her hand cautiously, hoping she wouldn't try to pull it away. But Nicky was in no state to move.

She began to speak but Piper shushed her.

'Don't. You need to rest. Don't move!' She scolded when she began to shift her head. Lorna gently hugged her, kissing her nose lightly.

'I'm so sorry Nicky, I promise I'll look after you, you're gonna be okay Nicky.' Her tears dripped onto Nicky's sore face. Pulling backwards but still holding her hand, Lorna noticed the confusion in her eyes and felt sick. She was going to have to explain what had happened.

Nicky suddenly tensed. She tried to speak again. Her voice was quiet but hoarse and the only words Lorna made out were 'be sick.' Piper's arms flew up dramatically.

'Shit! We have to move her! Lorna, help!' Piper lifted Nicky's shoulder, turning her as quickly as she could but trying not to hurt her. Nicky let out a moan of pain before throwing up a small amount of sick. Lorna was thankful it wasn't blood. It was clear that Piper was trying not to breathe through her nose and was holding Nicky as far from herself as she could, patting her shoulder awkwardly.

Lorna was soothingly rubbing her back and pulling her hair out of the way of the sick.

Nicky nodded, breathing heavily.

'Okay.' She croaked.

'You wanna sit up?' Lorna asked. Nicky nodded. Her and Piper pulled her slowly up so she could lean back against the sofa.

Clearly disorientated she began raising one hand to her head.

'Fuck. What happened?' She opened her eyes groggily to see Piper and Lorna glancing at each other warily. Nicky looked around and saw the room trashed. She frowned before widening her eyes and squeezing Lorna's hand as tightly as she could in her state. 'Are _you_ okay? Who the fuck did this?' Her speech was a little slurred and still extremely gruff. She looked so worried about Lorna. She felt a pang of guilt hit her hard in the gut.

'I'm fine.' Piper was in the kitchen getting a glass of water for Nicky. 'How d'you feel?'

'Fucked. My head aches. I feel so weak. My neck feels so sore.' Guilt was radiating from Lorna. She forced herself to properly look at Nicky's neck. The redness and bruising was gradually growing. She felt bile rising in her throat again. How had she felt that much hatred to try and strangle her own girlfriend?

The word 'strangle' made it seem all the more real and disgusting. She stood quickly and ran to the bathroom, nearly knocking Piper over on the way. As soon as she flung herself down in front of the toilet she threw up, retching even after there was nothing left in her.

She beat up Nicky. Battered her until she was unconscious.

What sort of human being was she? She should be locked up. She should still be in prison.

Nicky would hate her after this. Nicky would never hurt Lorna; she never had. When she found out what Lorna had done to end up in prison, all she did was try and help her. All Nicky had ever done was try to protect her.

Even after she woke from being beat, she was worried Lorna had been harmed. She felt so hollow, like her heart had been ripped out.

All she had ever wanted in life was to love someone deeply and be happy. She had never been good at anything, but she always dreamed she would fall in love, lead a nice, normal life – everyone was capable of that. It didn't require a special talent. But she was even beginning to doubt she could do that right.

_Normal people don't hurt someone they love. _Fresh tears escaped her burning eyes. She wrapped her arms tightly around her knees, pressing them into her body, as though trying to compress herself into nothing.

'I'm crazy.' Her lips trembled as she whispered to herself. 'I'm a crazy person.'

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**Author's Note: In my dream, Nicky died. And I did debate leaving it that way. But I couldn't. So now you know.**

**I know I said only two chapters, but I kinda wanna carry this on…**


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